An Idiot, By Any Other Name - Part I

The Nattering One muses... The letter below has circulated the internet for almost a decade, being posted and referred to as an authentic posting by the claimed author...

Upon Nattering Review, the Yurica Report indicates that the letter was a parody, and was not penned by the "Professor" as claimed.

The Nattering One does not wish to perpetuate the above error and merely attempts to entertain. Regardless of the authorship, however...

the letter reveals a startling logical flaw in the "homosexuality is wrong" debate that relies on biblical "law".

It is for this reason that the following is presented for your entertainment. While begging the question, what ever happened to Dr. Laura?

Keep in mind that the following is a little something that conservative right wing religious whackos...

should put in the "scripture book" of their pretend god's "holy word" and then incinerate.

FYI, putting it in a pipe and smoking it would be ill advised, as inhalation of the fumes cause's severe brain damage...

that is, not that these mental midgets have any brains left to damage...

On her radio show sometime prior to 2004, Dr. Laura Schlesinger, said that, to her, as an observant Orthodox Jew...

homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US educator, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.

When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination

...end of debate. Its in the Bible - end of argument!

I do need some advice from you, Dr. Laura, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how best to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations.

A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24.

The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev. 1:9.

The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. Clearly states he should be put to death.

Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.

I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight.

I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wriggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field...

as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.

Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev. 24:10-16.

Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia

Comments

Reticent Rogue said…
Nay...Naybob. Alas, I diagnose your case as one of ontological frustration. I suspect that, as intelligent as you claim to be, you would be happier as a pragnostic--that is a Christian pragmatist. Humanists always seem to claim the high intellectual gound on the basis of flawed rationale; specifically, the non-scientific proscription of deducing a negative from a lack of evidence or, as you put it, 'non-existent' evidence. You have never seen an atom but you choose to believe it exists in quantities sufficent to form a chair to hold your butt off the floor. Yet you choose to believe--without evidence, as you yourself have said--that the first cause of all the atoms that have ever existed, does not exist. You choose to believe only in Naybob when the whole of existence is more powerful than you and there is nothing you can do about it. Yes, I suspect you would be more happy if you were less arrogant and more reticent. Best Wishes...from one of those ignorant fools of whom you speak so eloquently.
Tue May 04, 02:47:00 PM EDT
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